Home Motherhood Me Before Her

Me Before Her

by lovestalgia

She’s stuck between who she is, and who she wants to be. (source: Pinterest)

If you told me about a year ago, that I would be signing myself up for a blog conference, I would have laughed at you. You see, I’m naturally a shy person and the thought of being in a room full of strangers scares me.

Back in the days of Xanga, I used to write a lot. I would write weekly recaps of Sunday sermons and church activities, vacations, and daily life. If I really loved something, I would tell everyone to go buy it. If there’s something fun or interesting to do, I would tell you about it. I recently went back and reread some posts and boy, did I write a lot. But this was all before getting married and starting a family.

I love being married and I love having my daughter- but some where along the way, I’ve lost myself. The me who loved to create things. The me who loved to share ideas with others. The me who loved to spend time with people. The me before her. This in no way means I don’t absolutely adore my daughter or the life I live. I actually love where I am in life but now that the fog of being a new mother has lifted and my daughter is gaining more and more independence, I need to find myself again and make time for me.

The past three years has been so life changing and rewarding. I love my sweet A and how she looks to me for everything but I’ve also been craving something more– something just for me and NOT feeling guilty about it. I’ve been blessed to be able to stay at home with her and care for her every need. Not all moms get to do that. My own mother worked all the time while I was growing up so I don’t take the fact that I was able to stay home for granted.

But it’s time to do something for myself and I am so grateful to my husband for pushing me to take this step and taking time off so that I can go. This is a huge step for me because it will be the first time that I’ll be away from my daughter for the whole day, two in fact! I’ve gone out for hours at a time but my husband will be hanging out and taking care of her while I’m at the conference. (Good luck honey!)

I’m so excited that a week from today, I’ll be surrounded by hundreds of other bloggers at BlogHer to learn, grow, and be inspired! It excites and scares me at the same time. Ten years ago, if I went to something like this, I would probably be a wall flower and soak everything in and not interact that much with others. But I’ve honed my social skills while participating in mommy groups and at playgrounds during the past three years, so I plan on networking and connecting with as many people as I can!

card holder: kate spade | business cards: paper+cup design | stationary & pen: the planner society

I’m even more excited because my amazingly talented friend Minhee from Paper + Cup helped design business cards for me! But more than anything, I’m looking forward to finding myself again– to doing things that I love and figuring out how to balance it all while being a great mom. Going to this conference is a step in that direction and I am terrified and thrilled at the same time!

Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself after having a family? How did you find yourself again?

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jen enoch July 29, 2016 - 6:38 pm

I think a lot of mothers loose themselves a little (at least) after marriage and children. I know I have…For myself, I’ve started my bog. It’s something that’s all my own. Anyway, have tons of fun, learn lots and blog about it!

lovestalgia August 2, 2016 - 1:24 am

Thanks! I completely agree– having the blog as my own space is comforting and nice especially since I feel like everything has been taken over by our daughter once she came into our lives. I don’t mind it one bit but it’s nice to have something to call my own. I will def do a recap of the conference! Thank you for reading!

beansandpeanut July 29, 2016 - 8:42 pm

I feel like I’m in the same boat as you! I’ve been a SAHM for almost 4 years and felt it was time to do something for me, so I start my blog about a month ago. Good luck at the conference. Maybe I’ll head to one myself one day

lovestalgia August 2, 2016 - 1:22 am

Thanks! Yea, I love being a SAHM but I need something for myself too. Not that I need to go out and work in an office or a desk job but I like working on projects. I’m excited for BlogHer. You should def attend one if you get a chance.

rachel moore July 30, 2016 - 5:21 pm

with both my kids i definitely felt like i lost myself for the entire first year. for me, and i would think i am not alone, it seems to a mother like the baby cannot possibly survive without her. i’d imagine my babies hysterical and inconsolable without me. it wasn’t the case but it was a mental leap for me.
i haven’t weaned my second yet (he’s only 13 months) but certainly ending breastfeeding gave me some freedom and i did start to feel somewhat more like myself …. until i went ahead and had another baby.
before kids you are your main priority – and after kids – they always come first. mother nature made us that way – cause when the tantrums hit you sure need a lot of love to survive 🙂


lovestalgia August 2, 2016 - 1:20 am

LOL! So true! I think once I weaned my daughter when she was 14 months old, that was one step towards freedom. Another step is when she could feed herself and help with dressing/undressing. Working on potty training now.. ugh. And yes, lots of love is needed once those tantrums hit!! (in the thick of it right now.)

Naya @ Lactivist in Louboutins July 30, 2016 - 8:02 pm

I can really relate to this post. I really struggle with making time for myself and even when I do, I feel guilty about it. I hope you have a great time at BlogHer!

lovestalgia August 2, 2016 - 1:17 am

Thank you! I know– it’s such a struggle. Mom guilt and then feeling exhausted because you don’t take time to take care of yourself. I’m still trying to figure out how to balance everything. Thank you- I’m excited to attend!

Chrystie August 1, 2016 - 7:40 am

I’m excited to hear that you will be at BlogHer and look forward to meeting you 🙂

lovestalgia August 2, 2016 - 1:16 am

I can’t wait to meet you!! So excited!!!

Angela Kim August 13, 2016 - 12:25 am

I hope you have a great time at BlogHer! I wanted to go too but couldn’t because of baby #3. I can’t believe you used to blog on Xanga, I did too! lol I think Xanga was where my love for blogging all began. So does that make us old school? 🙂

lovestalgia August 25, 2016 - 1:44 am

Thanks so much Angela! I still have to write a review of it but as you can see I’m SOOO behind and I only have one kid! How do you do it with 3??? I loved Xanga! We are sooo old school! LOL!

ordinarilyextraordinarymom August 17, 2016 - 3:17 pm

I am absolutely in the same boat. I have not yet attended a conference but I’m learning who I am as a mother and what parts of me are a distant memory, not bad necessarily but different nonetheless. Keep us posted about the conference

lovestalgia August 25, 2016 - 1:45 am

I loved the conference and still need to write out my thought about it. I love being a mom but sometimes I feel like the old me is gone.. but this is probably the new normal.


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