She’s stuck between who she is, and who she wants to be. (source: Pinterest)
If you told me about a year ago, that I would be signing myself up for a blog conference, I would have laughed at you. You see, I’m naturally a shy person and the thought of being in a room full of strangers scares me.
Back in the days of Xanga, I used to write a lot. I would write weekly recaps of Sunday sermons and church activities, vacations, and daily life. If I really loved something, I would tell everyone to go buy it. If there’s something fun or interesting to do, I would tell you about it. I recently went back and reread some posts and boy, did I write a lot. But this was all before getting married and starting a family.
I love being married and I love having my daughter- but some where along the way, I’ve lost myself. The me who loved to create things. The me who loved to share ideas with others. The me who loved to spend time with people. The me before her. This in no way means I don’t absolutely adore my daughter or the life I live. I actually love where I am in life but now that the fog of being a new mother has lifted and my daughter is gaining more and more independence, I need to find myself again and make time for me.
The past three years has been so life changing and rewarding. I love my sweet A and how she looks to me for everything but I’ve also been craving something more– something just for me and NOT feeling guilty about it. I’ve been blessed to be able to stay at home with her and care for her every need. Not all moms get to do that. My own mother worked all the time while I was growing up so I don’t take the fact that I was able to stay home for granted.
But it’s time to do something for myself and I am so grateful to my husband for pushing me to take this step and taking time off so that I can go. This is a huge step for me because it will be the first time that I’ll be away from my daughter for the whole day, two in fact! I’ve gone out for hours at a time but my husband will be hanging out and taking care of her while I’m at the conference. (Good luck honey!)
I’m so excited that a week from today, I’ll be surrounded by hundreds of other bloggers at BlogHer to learn, grow, and be inspired! It excites and scares me at the same time. Ten years ago, if I went to something like this, I would probably be a wall flower and soak everything in and not interact that much with others. But I’ve honed my social skills while participating in mommy groups and at playgrounds during the past three years, so I plan on networking and connecting with as many people as I can!
I’m even more excited because my amazingly talented friend Minhee from Paper + Cup helped design business cards for me! But more than anything, I’m looking forward to finding myself again– to doing things that I love and figuring out how to balance it all while being a great mom. Going to this conference is a step in that direction and I am terrified and thrilled at the same time!
Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself after having a family? How did you find yourself again?