“Comparison is the thief of joy.” – Theodore Roosevelt
We’ve heard that quote numerous times yet we continue to compare ourselves to others. Why is that?
For me, when I compare my life to someone else’s life, it’s because I think they have it better than me or they have something that I want. Sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on something because I saw it on Instagram! It leads to greater dissatisfaction in my own life even though my life is pretty good. It’s better than just good, it’s amazing. I don’t say it’s amazing because everything is perfect but I know that I am very blessed. But I need to remind myself of this daily and look at what I do have instead of what I don’t have. So what’s a girl to do in order to have joy in her life? Here’s what helps me.
Four Ways to Find Joy
- Taking a step back from social media. Isn’t it ironic that I blog and do a lot on Instagram yet sometimes it leads to dissatisfaction in my real life? I scroll through and see so many beautiful people, places, and events and have FOMO. I have to snap myself back to reality and remind myself that the little snapshot I see on IG isn’t real life. Someone might look at what I post and think the same thing!
- Read the Bible and pray. Before getting married and having a child, I used to read my Bible, pray and attend church regularly. Since getting married and becoming a mom, it’s been more difficult. We also haven’t found a home church with a community to be a part of which contributes to the lack of accountability. In high school, college and beyond, I was part of an amazing church community and maybe deep down inside, I wish I could find something like that again. But regardless of finding a church, I know I have to read my Bible and pray more which will just give me a sense of peace and joy in my heart. Whatever your stance or views on Christianity might be, I know that when I am reading God’s word and praying, I have more peace, joy, patience, and love. If you don’t believe in God, just meditating or clearing your mind can help.
- Get rid of negativity. When I was younger, I was a lot more tolerant of all types of people. Not that I’m not anymore but I choose to not surround myself with people who are always negative, complain, or just super moody. Some might even describe them as toxic. If I was down or something wasn’t going well, they would just agree with me and feed the negativity. It didn’t do me any good. Something I LOVE about my husband is that when I am negative or whiny, he doesn’t feed the negativity. He (sometimes) tells me gently (or not so gently) to snap out of it and get over it. Sometimes I just want him to agree with me but in the end, I’m so glad that he says what he does.
- Count your blessings. Sounds easy right? Then do it. When I look at what I don’t have, that’s when the negativity creeps in. That’s when the joy is gone. There’s always something “more” that we want. There will always be someone better than you, prettier, wealthier, with better clothes, with more kids, a bigger house, nicer car, or more this or that. Instead of looking at what you don’t have, look at all the blessings you do have. I have to remind myself of the fact that I have an amazing husband who works hard so I can stay home. I have a healthy, smart, beautiful daughter who surprises us daily. We live in America with the freedom to worship what we want, drive where we want to, buy what we want, watch what we want, wear what we want, say what we want, and just live. Yes, these days there are some things that are not ideal but there are worse places to live. Think long and hard about it.
What helps you to find joy in your life?
You might also like my post on Tips for an Introverted Mom or Pros and Cons of Being an Older Mom.
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I love you SO much, Sally! I’ve always secretly worried that being an influencer would make you feel this way at times, but turns out you have been mindful and aware of it all along (and there was no need for me to be anxious, surprise surprise)! The whole appeal of lovestalgia to me personally is how real and open you are to the world about your joys and struggles of motherhood, even for someone like me, who is and most likely will be childless for the rest of our lives. It’s not easy to put yourself out there and be honest about what can get to you. Reading about your thoughts and experiences helps me stay positive about my own struggles, regardless of whether it has to do with being a good daughter, sister, wife, or mom. Thanks for being a source of encouragement always!!
AWWWW! Thanks Nikki, Love you too.. and girl, don’t worry about the future. just live in the present. be you.
This post caught my eye because I definitely struggle with the same thing. Gosh, it’s so important to snap out of the comparison game and better yet, realize that we all do it. I believe that if I spent more time indulging in God’s Word than scrolling on Instagram, I would be comparing myself less and much more fulfilled. As you mentioned in #2, I also have more peace and love for myself and to give when I spend more and more time with God. Sure is more of a challenge when you’re a mother and a wife, though! It’s comforting to know that you relate to that and said it. Often times after scrolling through everyone’s pretty pictures, I touch base at my own IG profile to remind myself that ha, most of this is curated and hey, I’m pretty dang blessed myself. We have to remind ourselves to keep our eyes on things above, not of this world.
Thanks for sharing this post, Sally!
Thank you so much Michiella for reading and for your sweet comments! It is definitely hard to find joy if we are always comparing or looking to other things to fulfill us. I know for sure that I am happiest, at peace, and fulfilled when I am deeply rooted in God’s word and presence. I think if we looked at the “”highlight” reel (IG feed lol) of our lives, we would see how blessed we are, how much we have and how good we have it. Everyone has their problems but we have it pretty good when you think about it. Ya know? Don’t get me wrong– some days suck. But tomorrow is always a new day. Gotta keep reminding myself of this too.
I too struggle with not always seeing the blessings in my life. I have severe anxiety and I know that Facebook especially makes it so much worse. I run an etsy shop and just started a new blog so I know that social media is something that I am going to have to deal with. I just have to try and look at it from a business perspective and not get sucked into the drama of it all.
Oh and reading my bible… how I wish I had more quiet hours in my day. This season of my life is filled with toddlers and noise and I know its just a season. I will miss it when it is over.
Yea, Facebook and watching the news makes me anxious and feel like I’m missing out on things. It’s hard not to get sucked in sometimes with the business of blogging.. but you have to learn to let it go otherwise it’ll drive you crazy and you’ll just be so unhappy. The only time I have to myself is late at night when everyone is asleep (including my husband). Hang in there Zhade!!
Oh the news! Forgot about that one! My husband is only allowed to watch the news in his office, he loves politics so he’s usually watching Fox News or ESPN but neither of us watch local news. Its always so depressing.